Whispers of Yesterdays

I haven't lived where I'm living now for very long, so it hasn't really affected who I am all that much.  The house I grew up in played a bigger part in how I behave than anywhere else I've lived.  This house was in the middle of a court up a steep hill.  It is a quiet place, out of the way from most traffic and noise.  Most of the people who lived on the court were older couples, leaving my brother and me to be the only kids on the street most of the time.

More often than not it felt like living up there was a place to be forgotten and hide away.  It was a place to get away from, almost as if it were to trap you there if you would let it.  And most of the time it would trap me there.  I became more and more reclusive as the years went on.  I would lose myself in television, movies, computer games and video games.  Chores and homework would fall by the wayside for less productive activities.  I would rarely leave the house.  Sure, I went to school, participated in Boy Scout events, and to visit friends and family, but those things were few and far between.

My mother ended up thinking that I had motivational issues and signed me up for therapy.  This really didn’t help much.  I found that it was more of an issue of usefulness than motivation that kept me from doing some of the more “important” things.  Why clean my room if I knew it would get dirty again?  Why do homework for history when I’ll probably never use that information?  I would do what I thought mattered in the long run.  This sort of mindset has followed me throughout my life.  I don’t feel like doing something unless it makes a matter for a long period of time, but this makes it so I put a lot of energy into things that I truly want to do.